Does your lingerie drawer need an overhaul? Are you tired of your partner wearing those big old stained panties with the holes? Wish there was a blameless way of getting rid of those ugly briefs?
Well there is!
Look no further than Fletcher the underpants eating Mini Dachshund!
This year’s most underappreciated super hero, Fletcher is attempting to bring sexy back by destroying all of my comfy, old and ugly granny panties, forcing me to buy new, less drab drawers.
Why are the ugliest undies always the comfiest?
Fletcher, having a better concept of the laundry basket than most human men, has realised that this is where all the dirty pants are kept and enjoys nothing more than rifling through it and picking out a grotty pair of his choosing. He then loves to sneak around with said undies and find a lovely quiet spot to quietly rip them to pieces. Luckily he doesn’t actually eat them, he just likes to mutilate.
He isn’t fussy, he loves both clean and dirty equally, the dirty being what is what makes this habit so disgusting. It’s as frustrating as it is gross because as I have previously mentioned it means I constantly have to be buying new underwear!
However, he does seem to only destroy the really unattractive ones. Perhaps he is sending me a message that it is finally time I got my life together and if I ever intend on finding a husband I should start wearing lovely matching sets of lingerie and lace. Let’s be honest it’s never going to happen, but I suppose I should commend him for trying.
Fletcher really is obsessed with underwear, to the point where when I go to the toilet and when he inevitably joins me in the bathroom to make awkward eye contact and tilt his head whilst I tinkle and let out the odd fart he also tries to steal my underwear whilst I am still wearing them.
Which made me think that he can’t be the only dog that does this.
To which I discovered that this is a very common behaviour in dogs. Dogs build their view of the world from sight but very much more so from smell; and in their world, the smellier the better! Scent enables our four legged companions to create a fuller picture of the environment that they live in, and because my under-crackers and socks carry the strongest concentration of my scent (grim) Fletcher finds it a very valuable item, simply because I’m likely to be one of his favourite people and he finds it comforting, either that or he is just a pure deviant.
So, what have we learnt from the scientific segment of this post?
Yes, we must lock away the stinkiest of our panties in order to prevent our pups from turning into tiny four legged Gollums weirdly obsessed with our precious dirty undies. Seriously though, if you think your dog eaten your pants it is defo a vets trip, they can get blocked up and die. And that is not a good time.