It’s April already, who can believe it, similarly who can believe we are in a lockdown its surreal. We are already a quarter of the way through the year and the same as the start of every year goes its all gone to shit hasn’t it. Drone strikes, Iranian Generals getting killed and the threat of WW3, celebrity deaths and now the Coronavirus and lockdown and we are all stuck inside trying not to kill our partners or thinking its a good idea to release your kids into the forest to start new lives as feral animals. New year always seems to bring a torrent of bad news, and because we have the attitude of ‘New Year, fresh start’ it almost seems like when these bad things happen its a bad omen, like the rest of the year has been ruined.
So what better time than to do a festive throwback to Christmas. Since I have a million photos of Fletcher and I opening gifts and sitting in front of the Christmas Tree like a gay little family. And we could all do with reminding of the times where we all stayed in the house out of choice and not because Boris has ordered us to.
Some say it is the most wonderful time of the year. I say the most expensive. And stressful. And rushed. And, did I mention expensive?
This was Fletcher’s first Christmas with me, and of course he had his own little collection of gifts, all beautifully gift wrapped. Ok, that’s a lie I don’t beautifully gift wrap anything, I basically just get a bit of wrapping paper on there and wind the cellotape around as many times as I can until it doesn’t come off. It’s a technique that works but unfortunately is quite unattractive.
Despite my short comings in the wrapping department Fletcher was a surprisingly good un-wrapper, like, he had a proper technique and everything. It was quite exciting to just sit and watch him to be honest.
Ok, so I’ll be honest. As an adult Christmas day can be pretty unexciting and this year was no exception. Like no one even got drunk or tipsy. And it wasn’t for lack of trying. I was slurping down the Snowballs from a glass so large that a goldfish would have been happy to make a home in, but all it really did was make me a bit warm and have to open the window, oddly. I am unsurprised about other family members not getting drunk though, the only real participant in getting boozy is my Aunty Viv but she was making dinner all day and it slowed down her Snowball Slurping rhythm.
Fletcher however had a fantastic day, commanding everyone’s attention as usual, ripping up more wrapping paper, and eating as much turkey and gravy as his little stomach can handle. And of course he ate his out of his bougie new ‘Prince’ bowl.
You can really tell that there are no children in this family at the moment as Fletcher got spoiled as much as a kid would have. He had dinner, with lashings of gravy, and he had presents from other family members that were actually beautifully wrapped and not just looking like they were packaged by a crackhead. And, people enjoyed watching him eat. You know when people enjoy watching a toddler or child enjoy their food, I don’t know why people enjoy this but they do. Ask a granny, that’s why they always want to feed you.
I hope that our Christmas throwback has provided at least some sort of escapism from the monotony of this lockdown. It’s boring and samey but at least it’s safe and corona virus free, and also what better excuse to get a slight bit drunk every evening, if anyone questions you its like, ‘Ugh Sandra we are on lockdown and alcohol kills the virus, like its the main ingredient in hand sanitiser so that proves it. Do you WANT me to die? Do you? DO YOU?!’.
And on that note may the odds ever be in your favour.